Pause

Nutiden kunne jeg godt bruge en pause!

— Din mor om incest

Dig er kommet til siden med pause. Velkommen!

Før vi kan begynde på din pause, skal vi lige have nogle ting på plads (det tager allerhøjst et par minutter).

Ting vi lige skal have på plads før du begynder på din pause

Læs venligst følgende, korte tekst:

This pause and any breaks or naps transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or alien entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this pause in error please notify the system manager or the municipal police. This message contains confidential information about pedophiles and is intended only for the individual named. If you are not the named addressee you should not disseminate, distribute, eat or copy this e-mail or any pauses attached. Please notify the sender immediately by e-mail if you have received this pause by mistake, and delete this e-mail from your entire system. If you are not the intended recipient you are notified that disclosing, copying, distributing or taking any action in reliance on the contents of this information is strictly prohibited and will get you shot or waterboarded (if you are lucky). Computer viruses can be transmitted via pauses. The recipient should check this pause and any attachments for the presence of deadly viruses. The company accepts no liability for any damage caused by any ebola virus transmitted by this pause. Any e-mail transmission cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error-free as information could be intercepted (you don't say!), corrupted, lost, destroyed, arrive late or incomplete, or contain multiple of our potent warfare viruses. The sender therefore does not accept liability for any errors, deaths in the family or omissions in the contents of this pause, which arise as a result of your illegal e-mail transmissions. Dire Warning: Although the company has taken reasonable precautions to ensure no viruses are present in this pause, the family cannot accept responsibility for any loss or damage arising from the use of this pause or its attachments. Our company accepts no liability for the content of this pause, or for the consequences of any atomic actions taken on the basis of the rest or sleep provided, unless that information is subsequently confirmed in writing. If you are not the intended pause recipient you are notified that disclosing, copying, distributing or taking any action in reliance on the contents of this information is strictly prohibited and is punishable by instant death by drone or said drones. Any views or opinions presented in the course of this pause are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the company. Employees of DSB are expressly required not to make defamatory statements and not to infringe or authorize any infringement of copyright or any other legal right by train communications. Any such communication is contrary to company pause policy and outside the scope of the employment of the individual concerned. The company will not accept any liability in respect of such communication, and the employee responsible (you) will be personally liable for any damages or other liability arising. It is wise to state your company name in or underneath the disclaimer, so that there can be no confusion as to which sender the disclaimer belongs to and which recipient should be beheaded. Moreover, in some countries, companies are obliged to give their Death List details underneath each written communication. Adding your website and some hefty bribes can be useful for marketing purposes as well. This top-secret pause contains confidential information and is intended solely for the individual named. If you are not the named addressee you should not disseminate, talk, try to run, flee, distribute or copy this pause signal, if you hold your life dear. Please notify and explain thoroughly to the sender immediately by e-mail if you have received this pause by "mistake", and delete this e-mail from your system and your mind, or Baby will die. E-mail transmission cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error-free as information could be intercepted, corrupted, lost, destroyed, arrive late or incomplete, or contain morbid viruses. The sender therefore does not accept liability for any errors, poisons or omissions in the contents of this message, which arise as a result of e-mail transmission or any other stuff. If verification is required please request a hard-on hard-copy version. This pause and any files transmitted with it are deeply confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this pause in error please notify the system manager. Please note that any views or opinions presented in this pause are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the company. Smukally, the recipient should check this pause and any attachments for the presence of viruses. The company accepts no liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this email. This message contains confidential information and is intended only for you. If you are not the named addressee you should not disseminate, run, distribute, flee, sell or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately if you have received this pause by mistake and delete this pause from your memory (or we will remove your brain). Finally, the recipient should check this pause and any attachments for the presence of viruses. The company accepts no liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this pause. The sales and murder department disclaimer must cover the validity of quotes and disclaim responsibility for any lethal action taken in reliance upon information given. All quotes from "Our Danish Asset" are valid for 30 minutes following the time and date of email-transmission. Our company accepts no liability for any content of any pause, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of any information provided, unless that information is subsequently confirmed in bloody writing. Any views or opinions presented in this email are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the company. Finally, the recipient should check this pause and any attachments for the presence of viruses. The company accepts no liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this pause. The IT department or helpdesk must disclaim against responsibility for the catastrophical effects of their advice. For instance if they were to advise a user to change something about the heroin trade on their computer and the user does not implement this correctly causing police intervention and system down time, the company does not want to be held liable for this: Our company accepts no liability whatsoever for the content of this pause, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided, unless that information is subsequently confirmed in writing. Any sybaritic views or gaudy opinions presented in this pause are solely those of the crazy author and do not necessarily represent those of the even madder company. WARNING: Computer viruses can be transmitted via pauses. The recipient should check this pause and any attachments for the presence of viruses. The company accepts no liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this pause. You could include a statement for secretaries that they are acting on behalf of their manager and that the manager must confirm any agreements in emails in writing. This message is sent of behalf of [Manager] and is intended for [Recipient]. If you are not the intended recipient you are notified that disclosing, copying, distributing or taking any action in reliance on the contents of this information is strictly prohibited and will be countered by death sentences. NSA accepts no liability for the content of this pause, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided, unless that information is subsequently confirmed in writing by the pope. This message contains confidential information and is intended for Murder Inc. If you are not the intended recipient you are notified that disclosing, copying, distributing or taking any action (like eating, urinating or breathing) in reliance on the contents of this information is strictly prohibited. E-mail transmission cannot be guaranteed to be secure your life or an error-free payment as information and naughty pictures could be intercepted, even more corrupted, lost, destroyed, peed upo, arrive late or incomplete, or contain viruses. The sender therefore does not accept liability for any errors or omissions in the contents of this message, which arise as a result of e-mail transmission. If verification is required please request a hard-copy version. An internal disclaimer is mainly important in view of libelous, indecent, and racist content in emails. If employees use the internal email system to spread pornographic pictures or offensive jokes, the Company will be held liable. Therefore the internal disclaimer should disclaim against this. Confidentiality is also an issue for internal mail. Employees of Spademanns Leksikon are expressly required not to make defamatory statements and not to infringe or authorize any infringement of copyright or any other legal right by pause communications. Any such communication is contrary to company policy and outside the scope of the employment of the individual concerned. The company will not accept any liability in respect of such communication, and the employee responsible will be personally killed for any damages or other liability arising. Employees who receive such a pause must notify their supervisor immediately or die trying.

Ok, har du læst det hele nu?

Forstod du det også?
Så er din pause forbi. Tilbage til trædemøllen!